Lucas reviews eHarmony

eHarmony.com is a website that matches up singles based on compatibility profiles. eHarmony claims to have developed an excellent method of measuring compatibility, but i argue that they're writing a check that they can't cash. i got on eHarmony strictly for professional reviewing purposes and was NOT pleased.

eHarmony paired me up with a woman named Jnco (like the jeans) who i don't know much about because she didn't really speak English (i was unable to determine her ethnicity) and i left our date at Jack-in-the-Box (her pick) after a half-an-hour. here is all i can tell you about Jnco:

•she willingly wore a potato sack over her own head.

•i don't like to make a big deal about weight and i mention this only as a detail- i'd put Jnco's weight at somewhere between 300 and "a small building" lbs.

•at one point i went to the bathroom and when i got back Jnco had eaten my food and then tried to convince me i had eaten it and just forgot.

•at one point i saw inside Jnco's purse and it was full of kitty litter?

•in the half-hour we spent together Jnco stepped out for 6 smoke breaks.

•she brought what i assume were her kids along on the date and made them wait in the car.

•i think she works for whatever company makes Combo's. she smelled like Combo's and she had a Combo's t-shirt and all of her pockets were filled with COMBO'S.
•i'm having trouble thinking of a way to describe her voice but i guess i'd say it was like if a mudslide could talk?

anyways, after the half hour i told Jnco i had to go to the bathroom again and escaped through the window and drove home. she must have noticed me getting into my car because she followed me home and left her kids at my doorstep. i have yet to deal with that.

way to completely fuck this up, eHarmony. Jnco and i had NO chemistry and neither do me and her stupid fat kids. if you're looking for some summer romance, do not let eHarmony try to hook you up. 0/10. very upsetting.