Lucas needs help

The Spectrum is the official campus newspaper for the University at Buffalo, where i go to school. last month, I sent them the following email:









Hello, I run a blog called Lucas Reviews Everything, at http://www.lucasreviewseverything.blogspot.com I am emailing you to propose a VERY LUCRATIVE* opportunity. "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse!" I am interested in writing a regular Lucas Reviews Everything column for the Spectrum FOR FREE. I know you've got columnists who review films, video games, etc. But do you have any columnists who review films, games, music, people, events, animals, concepts, establishments, products, and literature? With me you get it all. "I'm lovin' it!" Just think- all you weird nerds have to do is give me the go ahead, I'll begin work on the column immediately and you could get in on the Lucas Reviews Everything brand $$$$$$$. Still not convinced? Then let me say more stuff-

I have poured my blood sweat and tears and sometimes some other fluids into Lucas Reviews Everything for a little over a year. “But Lucas, why waste your time creating the most beloved blog on the Internet when you could be doing other things?” I’ll answer your question with a statement. I don’t do it for the money or the pussy like some of the Spectrum writers (you know the ones). I do it for the many poor misguided souls who need a slight budge in the right direction. They need to be told what to think about Shark Night 3D. About Now That’s What I Call Music Vol. 13. About dads. These are the people i’m looking out for.

I would like to assure you that this is not a joke and I am sincerely interested in this. I leave it up to you! Don’t miss out! “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” -Michael Jordan**

*lu·cra·tive Adjective: Producing a great deal of profit.
**a basketball player




The Spectrum did not respond so i sent the email 3 more times and was finally denied because my reviews are "poorly written" but if you can find a better written review for a dog eating at a table like a person or ANY review of a dog eating at a table like a person for that matter i demand to see it. in order to get my column in The Spectrum i call upon you, my idiot readers. if you would like to help out, please e-mail every person on this list and tell them you're sick of reading their dumb articles about how winter makes people sad and the hot water shortages on campus and tell them you need a little more Lucas in your life!