last week i posted a fairly negative review, which you can read here, of an old high school classmate of mine named Gabrielle Fouscas with a frightening propensity towards satanism, grindcore music and homemade explosives. i think Gabrielle may have heard about the review (i did email it to him directly). last weekend he sent me a video of himself eating a live crow and then reciting a poem about my death, which i interpreted as a threat (it would not be the first someone i reviewed planned to murder me). even though Gabrielle is probably too stupid to figure out where I live i figured i should still invest in some protection, so i picked up the 9260 Silicon Alloy Spring Steel Katana from a flea market.
i feel UNSTOPPABLE! you would not BELIEVE how reluctant people are to fuck with you when you're swinging a katana around. i've been walking around with the 9260 for a few days and no one has DARED to give me any trouble except for a few cops, who lose their shit as soon as they see someone carrying a katana in public. i also bought a black belt from the back of a martial arts magazine which i've been wearing at all times so people REALLY know i'm not fucking around. anyway, the 9260 Silicon Alloy Spring Steel katana is easy to carry, cuts clean and is sure to keep you safe from muggers, home invaders or scary ex high school classmates with plans to sacrifice you to Satan.
10/10
come get me Gabrielle, you sadsack piece of shit!
bought a black belt? carrying around a katana in public? geezz... you poor sod
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