Lucas reviews his new dog Luger

Luger is a dog i found in a swamp last weekend and adopted as my own. i've been meaning to get a dog for a while now for companionship and home protection and when i found Luger i just knew i had to give him a good home. i was really excited about Luger at first but to be honest he's not the dog i always imagined owning. Luger is very obese and, i think, really sick. and i haven't seen him walk yet. i don't really know what Luger's background is but presumably he's been through a lot. he looks like he's been shot, he's missing an eye and he has a bunch of tattoos that look like gang symbols. i didn't know there was such a thing as dog gangs or tattoos for dogs, but i suppose you learn something new everyday. also i'm not sure what it is with Luger but he will only eat scrap metal. Luger is okay, i guess. he's too fat and frankly too stupid for me to do anything fun with him like dress him up (there are no dog clothes that fit Luger), and i try to play fetch with him but i haven't been able to teach him how to throw the stick. i'm certainly not gonna take Luger back to the swamp or give him away or anything, but he has become a bit of a burden. he pukes up all the scrap metal he eats and when he sleeps he wheezes so loud that i am in danger of being evicted. he's also very vicious, but luckily he is too fat to actually attack. you're fine if you keep your distance, which i learned the hard way (Luger bit my hand off when i rescued him from the swamp). despite his flaws, i've grown attached to Luger and i care for him like i would my own swampy, gang-affiliated tattooed child. overall he is worth the few hours i have to take out of every day to scavenge for scrap metal. 10/10