Friday, June 15, 2012

Lucas reviews his neighbor's kid, Tristan


Tristan is my neighbor's eight year-old son. one thing that i firmly believe is that no child can be blamed for any shortcomings they may have behaviorally. most poorly behaved children are simply lacking a positive and exemplary adult figure to put them on the path towards becoming a sensible, moral and grateful person. this lack of guidance is absolutely beyond their control. we have to remember, before we lose our patience with a child or simply label them as just being "bad," that every child has the potential to become a thoughtful and well-balanced adult. Tristan is kind of a shithead though.

Tristan is hands down the most disruptive and frightening neighbor i have ever had. sometimes when he gets bored he will stand in the hallway and just scream until he can't anymore, and as far as i can tell Tristan doesn't speak. every time i encounter Tristan he just points at me and barks like a dog and i don't know that means. i know it sounds weird but sometimes when i look into Tristan's eyes, i see my life flash before mine. i have never met Tristan's parents, and my other neighbor Hash Gordon is convinced they were murdered by Tristan. personally i don't want to believe Tristan is capable of that, but i do know that he's capable of a lot of other bullshit though. i have seen Tristan hotwire cars and drive them around the apartment complex and also Tristan has the physical strength of someone much larger than him. last week i saw him rip a stop sign out of the ground. i don't understand where Tristan gets his strength from because all i have ever seen him eat is handfuls of dirt. maybe Tristan is just going through a weird phase but i have to admit i don't feel safe around him. sorry Tristan. you're a scary feral weirdo and you haunt my nightmares. 0/10.

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